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Caring for Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare
January 26, 2009 by lunaKM [4,173 views]
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Aftercare is an important part of recovery from play for many people. It is most common to experience a drop in emotions and energy after play from within hours to even days later. All too often it becomes a necessity to take care of yourself after a play session because your top was just visiting or the play party is over. Even after a few days you may need to carry out some aftercare. Knowing what to do can prevent physical and emotional struggles.
Physically it may seem obvious that you have marks; bruising, cuts, sore muscles, etc that need continued first aid. If you haven’t taken first aid training, you should have a basic medical primer at home. I have one that is a Home Medical Care Manual given to my by my father. It’s come in handy for diagnosing general illnesses and in deciding if a visit to the doctor was necessary.
First Aid for Marks
Knowing basic first aid for bruises, cuts and abrasions is important to caring for your skin and muscle tissues after intense play. There are many schools of thought on bruise care but the best I’ve heard about is Arnica cream sold in the pharmacy area. Cool compresses will help cut down swelling. Treat cuts and abrasions with anti-bacterial and bandages. Scar reduction cremes may also be helpful if you are afraid of marks lasting longer than you’d like.
What is Sub Drop?
Sub Drop is when the endorphins you experienced during play suddenly leave your body and it goes into withdrawals. This can be described as similar to drug addiction recovery. Your body goes through a crash period and is personal to each person. From crying and uncontrollable emotional outbursts, to sadness, depression and anxiety. You could also experience moments of guilt or doubt about your play session and what you enjoyed. Drop can come at your within hours or even days later. It is typically more common with submissives in long term or committed relationships than with casual partners.
Guarding Against Sub Drop
Another issue is the emotional and psychological trauma you may have experienced during play. This can catch up with you shortly after play to days later when you least expect it. To guard against it, drink water before, during and after play. Make sure you do not play while hungry or even slightly ill. Listen to your body and if it’s giving you signs to stop, you should. The only limits you should try to break are emotional and non-physical ones. Your body tells you things for a reason; listen! Drink something with simple sugars after play. Orange juice works wonders.
Creating a Drop Kit
A drop kit can be helpful for Dominants and submissives that experience moderate to severe drop after play sessions. Drop can be associated with feelings of loneliness, mental and physical exhaustion, confusion, insecurity, tremors and many other physical symptoms. It is important to take care of yourself during times of drop. This kit will put all the things necessary at your fingertips.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, please feel free to add your own personal selections.
- Warm blanket
- First Aid Kit
- First Aid Manual
- Bath salts
- Bubble bath
- Scented candles
- Incense
- Favorite book
- Prepaid calling card
- Hard candy
- Favorite beverages
- Lotion
- Journal
- Relaxing music
- Letter from your partner
- Stuffed animals
- Coloring books/crayons
- Gift card to favorite restaurant
- Vitamin E
- Favorite movie
Do you have any personal items you’d add to your own Drop Kit?
photo credit Meredith_Farme
15 Comments
Filed under Health and Beauty, Playtime
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Octofinder
great information in this….i just moved to be with my Master and this is all new to me.. :)
Master has explained this to me. I had never heard of Sub drop, and find it to be a very helpful article. Also, Master has told me that he would not leave me in this state alone.
I would add my black kitten titchaba she is so loving and caring she sits by me when i am not feeling good or when my dom has punished me too.
What a wonderful thing to add to your aftercare kit! I would definitely add my cats too, they make me feel so loved and I have one that just loves cuddling :)
A stuffed animal! The ultimate cuddle item to drag along with me wherever i go. Absolute genius. Thank you for sharing.
my greatest appreciation to the writer of this article…though i had not heard the term, i certainly and intensely experience sub drop. It seems the more i enter subspace during scenes, the greater the sub drop afterward. Recently i realized that i experience it also in the aftermath of scenes which have to be suddenly canceled at the last moment, if the upcoming scene was complex and intense with a lot of pre-psychological prep.
thank you for this information. i had subdrop and didn’t know what was happening, it was very scary for me now i know what happened and will be prepared next time.
This post on Emergency Self Aftercare might also help :)
http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/2007/12/bdsm-for-beginners-part-10-emergency.html
The first time i experienced this was after an arranged play date at my local dungeon with a friend. It was a particularly good session, and afterwards i was very tired, so i napped there, then got up and left the dungeon. On the way home i stopped at the grocery store because i had been asked to bring cookies to the dungeon that evening (this was a big, all weekend event). i was in the grocery store, in tears because i was unable to make a decision regarding the *type* of cookies to bring. i haven’t ever really dropped like that since, but it was very stressful!
definatley my favorite fleece blanket the one with horses onit and my teddy bear both a must have
I never thought about putting together an aftercare kit for myself! That’s a great idea, though.
kinkylittlegirl´s last blog ..Dominants Coming Through on Their Word
Thank you for this article and these comments. I recently experienced my first scene and two days later was practically miserable about all the things that thrilled me when it was happening! The marks especially made me wonder what I has allowed to happen to me.
I now understand what it was and that helps a great deal.
How do you talk to your Dom about this? I am worried about doing so. Is it a Dom’s responsibility to help a submissive though this or are we on our own?
Thank you Dears…
julia´s last blog ..details
julia,
Talking to your Dom about it is just like everything else. Let them know you have something you’d like to talk about outside of roles and just talk about it. Let them know how you are feeling a few days out from scene and figure out what might help you through it. It is not the Dom’s sole responsibility, as we need to take care of ourselves too; we know best after all, but he can help you. It may just require more assurance on his end that he enjoyed himself as much as you did. And trust me when I say that Dominant’s go through the exact same feelings sometimes.
Hi again and thank you so much for the kind words. I have done a lot of thinking, research and some talking with my Sir about this. He assured me that my feelings were normal, and that made me feel so much better just with that knowledge!
I am expecting an intense scene with my Dom tonight and will remember your advice for the next few days. My Dom himself brought up aftercare for tonight so I am feeling more confident about those needs being addressed. I so love all these new and incredibly exciting – and sexy – experiences. I want to be able to take on the recovery (seems there should be a better word than recovery…is there one?) as positively as I look forward to the playing. I will be sure to remember to take care of myself as well – so many good ideas for that here.
Thank you again – this site is a great resource, Luna!
-julia
You bring up an intersting point when you say that Doms go through this sort of thing too!
julia´s last blog ..almost late
I love this article. After doing a search for information on subdrop and having to weed through the many articles of what the Dom should be doing it is very refreshing to read this one with tips on what the sub can do to help her/himself.
Along with many of the items above I also have a personal item from Master for when I go through sub drop. I actually have a full outfit of his old clothes…lol
MV’s esclave