Mentoring, self-help and submissive exploration

lunaKM has been a full-time slave in an M/s relationship for over 10 years. She is the founder and editor of Submissive Guide. Learn more about her here and connect with her on, Twitter, Google+, FetLife.

16 responses to “For People Looking to Discover Your Submissive Nature”

  1. Robin

    This was very helpful. Thank you very much.

  2. Delores

    For the most part I would say that I am a natural submissive. It has beeen a part of me every since I could remember.Thank you for the definition between learned and natural submission.

  3. otkbratyangel

    I am learning how to be a sub and this was really helpful. It helped me to see that there is a part of me that is submissive. I mean I like to help people out and not want anything in return from it.

  4. M

    I’ve always known that I’m a masochist, but it wasn’t until recently that I discovered that I’m also a submissive. I realized this when I began doing things for my new beau without caring if he gave me something in return for it. I loved the feeling I got from it and I hope to cultivate this side of me and learn to be a true submissive. This site has been a lot of help to me so far, and I would like to thank you for that.

  5. lilcricket

    Master and i were just talking the other day and He told me that sometimes one has to learn to be submissive. one must learn to be a submissive before one can be a slave.

  6. lunaKM

    You are correct. I’m a learned submissive. There is a post about learning submission on the site too. :)

  7. Reflection on Natural And Learned « SpeachlessKitten's Blog
  8. mystical

    I am naturally submissive as I’ve always put others first, took care of them. Once I got older and my kids are grown I started to take control of my life again. I decided I’d done enough for everyone else and now wanted to do for me. My fiance and I both relate as a switch. His dom side has been coming out more so we are exploring the D/s relationship. He is not understanding I need time to reset my mind. I am submissive to a point, as in taking care of him, trying to put his needs above mine. So now I am becoming a learned submissive with natural tendencies.

  9. katIRL

    okay, this is maybe the right place to ask, it’s maybe going to be my last cry for help. Natural submissive. i instinctively and automatically do as i’m told, the strongest the order the quickest the response. i hate discussion, i burn inside every time i have to defend myself. This, as said in many other posts over here, means to be subject to the orders of anybody crossing my way, and it automatically means being overloaded with inputs most of the time, to the point that i have truly and honestly desired many times not to be submissive. BUT i can’t help it, it’s who i am and i can do nothing about it, so i embraced it and decided it is after all a good thing. i have moods, like anybody else, but unlike the people i know, my submission goes to the point of even trying to feel differently if some input so to do arrives, especially if it comes from Master.
    Why am i talking about a cry for help? Here it goes, Master claims i should be an active submissive. Cool! Who want’s to be a doormat after all? Now, can someone explain what the hell it means to be an active submissive, PLEASE?
    If i instinctively submit to anything i’m told, how do i prove i’m not a doormat?

  10. katIRL

    Thank you luna!!! Really really THANK YOU! I’ll think about it in depth, but it throws already some light! Thank you so much!

  11. katIRL

    A second thank you, luna, for your answer and your kind words. i’ve been working on it since and i had to find out that simply defining what submission is to me and filling the wants and needs list have already changed my service so much that i think i finally did it, He is happy :D . So, once again, really THANK YOU!

  12. RomanticVampire

    Honestly, I think I’m a little bit of both Learned and Natural, Because my innate nature has always been about taking care of others, and nobody has ever really taught me how to take care of myself. I am still learning how to take care of myself in the aspect I need a better job to pay my bills etc, and learning when to speak up if something makes me uncomfortable or not, etc, But because I have learned societal expectations and some feminist theory which I do understand and agree with on some level too, because honestly don’t want to be abused or reinforce abuse and things of that nature, but my innate nature is very submission. I’ve tried to shape myself to not being submissive all these years, It’s like I have to re-tap into those submissive desires and figure out what all that means partaining to D/s and BDSM.

  13. CuriousGeorge

    Getting this off of my chest. I am married, very unhappy in the bedroom. Is it too much to ask choke me or scratch me until I bleed? I love that stuff and always have for as long as I can remember. My first choices for porn are DOM/SUB scenes. I had no idea what 50 Shades of Gray was until I read it a couple of weeks ago. I refused to read it for the longest time because of how popular it was. Well, now that is all I want. Obviously everyone wants a rich significant other, but thats not the part of the relationship that I want. I have worked for everything I have and I feel something missing. I thought it was to be married and have children with a white picket fence, and that is not what it is cracked up to be, especially with my choice of partner no kids yet thankfully. No one needs to reply to this, I am hoping one day to get to at least experience and explore this side of me. My husband is completely against it. Oh the joys of young adulthood. :)

  14. curious and begining

    I have to question if I am a natural submissive, or I will become a learned. I have always had a tendency to do for others whenever asked even if I don’t want to or it in a bad situation. If I don’t do the request or order then I am overwhelmed with guilt and can’t sleep at night. My question about my submission is if it is actually submission or just co-dependency. The fact that mine started in early childhood always doing as told by my mother and three older brothers is why I’m very confused. In any case I am now seeking a Dom and researching the lifestyle in hopes to shed some light on my confusion. All I know for sure at this point is that I have always felt I needed something different that there has always been a hole in my life. Up tI’ll now I have only had vanilla relationships and feel I don’t fit or that the right person doesn’t exist. It is just recently I have discovered that D/s exists through a virtual community, only hearing rumors of S&M in the past knowing that wasn’t for me. I discovered that senses deprivation has sparked an interest in me when in college I was in a photography class and spending time in the dark room heightened my senses once my sight was rendered usless. I am not really sure where to go from here.

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